Boomering Boomers

Fuck old people. Baby-boomers in particular. I exclude from this critique those of the Greatest Generation (1900-1940) they killed Hitler – good work. Boomers have had custodianship over the planet for some 40-50 years now and they have done nothing but squander and fuck things up for the rest of us. It’s time for a radical redistribution of priorities. We need to be prioritizing giving these shitheads the middle finger.

Look at the state of the planet. It’s disastrous. Big thanks to the boomers on that one. We knew of climate change as far back as the 1970’s, just as the baby boomers were stepping into the halls of office and taking over the reins of control from their predecessors. With warnings as far back as the 1970’s the boomers decided to kick the can down the road for future generations, and they have continued to do so decade after decade leaving us to pick up the tab. Saying that ExxonMobil lied to you is not an excuse. Stop playing dumb. And if you are that dumb, then, well sorry, you are not fit to be in control and it’s time to move on.

Which brings me to my next point. Boomers like Joe Biden and Donald Trump. People who just won’t fuck off and retire. Guys, you are old. I bet you can’t go a day without partially pissing your pants.

Everyone gives shit to European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker for pissing himself on stage but at least he saw the writing on the wall is not seeking reelection.

It’s time for a reality check for these boomers, and a radical redistribution of priorities. In line with giving these fuckfaces the middle finger lets hit them where it hurts – pensions. Pensions have become a gigantic hole in the budget for almost every country. I propose we take these bludgers pensions and put that towards fixing the planet.

It seems only fair, I mean in practical terms they have taken ours. So fuck them, fair is fair. The intergenerational theft of wealth by the boomers is disgusting and is a problem that governments willfully ignore. It’s staring them in the face. As the boomers get older the situation is only going to get worse as well. The sooner we act the better.

Let’s take the boomers’ pensions and put it to good use – fixing and protecting the environment. This kills two birds with one stone. We distribute the wealth the boomers have stolen from younger generations, and we finally pick up the can the boomers insisted on kicking on down the road.

If boomers want to complain, they can sell one of their ten houses which they have accumulated over the years and leveraged against the futures of younger generations.

Boom, third problem caused by the boomers solved since it would also fix the housing crisis. A flood of houses released onto the market will drive down prices or at least keep them stable for a while so that first home buyers have a fighting chance.

Boomers, for all your complaining to younger generations needing to “make it themselves”, it’s time we apply this principle to you. And since you guys were handed an ideal situation by your parents, which you squandered and kept the benefits of for yourselves, it’s time for younger generations to wrest control away from the boomer class.

Have you noticed how the most climate skeptical generation are the boomers? They also the most homophobic and racist. Yikes! Not a good a good look there chief. I fucking guarantee you the recalcitrance of governments to act on climate change is due to the large boomer voting population who just don’t believe it’s real because they like the good weather at their summer vacation houses on the beach. “Oh, climate change disproportionality affects people in other regions of world? Na, fuck that, I enjoy my five bedroom holiday home too much to care.”

So, to redress the democratic imbalances I propose we rebalance the voting power of boomers by reducing the vote of boomers to 0.75. In other words, a boomer’s vote is worth only 0.75, whereas those between 30-50 are worth 1. And to be equitable to the young who have their vote suppressed, their votes shall be worth 1.25. This will reallocate the power distribution in our representative democracies so that the young get a fair voice. Politicians will finally be forced to tailor policies for the electorate of the future and not pander to the has-beens.

As young people it’s time we collectively raise the middle finger to the boomer class. These are the people that ask you how to send a WhatsApp message even though you just explained and showed them how to send a Facebook message (it’s the same fucking principle!). We don’t owe them shit, because they already took everything for themselves.

In sum, boomers as a group are like people who rip a silent but violent fart in the elevator, step out level two, and press the emergency button so that that the elevator is stuck, with the rest of us left to die in a makeshift gas-chamber they wish they could put migrants in. Talk about a bad aftertaste.

(for the record all of my grandparents have passed away, so I feel no remorse in writing this article)

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